Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
