I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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