I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
