it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Randomize
