Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
