At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
