why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
