you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I think pants incapable of making pants work
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
