Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Randomize
