I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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