I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
