I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
i think i just lost a toe
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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