Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
