this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
