Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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