I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
