Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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