The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
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