so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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