At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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