So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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