your room smells of hookers.
And success
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
