An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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