Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
