Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
