You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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