Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
