Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
