He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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