Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
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