Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
