I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
