dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
