Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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