Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
