8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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