She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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