I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
