SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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