I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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