I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
