Screwed.edu
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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