Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
