I like my sex mixed with concussions.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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