A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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