She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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