I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
