hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
