Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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