What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
