I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
only if we run a train.
done.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
