Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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